


Almost Kisses

by CrazyJ



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Cheek Kisses, Forehead Kisses, M/M, Mention of No Mercy, almost kisses, hair kisses, love admissions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:41:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22090507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyJ/pseuds/CrazyJ
Summary: Forehead kisses. Hair kisses. Cheek kisses. Almost kisses. Hundreds of almost kisses later, Changkyun wants only one thing: For the man he loves to turn his head and give him a REAL kiss.
Relationships: Im Changkyun | I.M/Lee Jooheon
Comments: 19
Kudos: 125





	Almost Kisses

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Himenanoda](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Himenanoda/gifts).



> Thank you my love, for giving me the inspiration to write again that I had lost for all these last few months. I know you said you were going to write a Jookyun story, but I thought as a surprise I would write you one instead. I hope you enjoy it, I love you! x

The wave of emotions that buffeted him was enough to knock the breath out of his lungs.

Smirk gracing his features and outer appearance deceptively calm, Changkyun laughed with everyone else in the room as Jooheon's lips, wet with moisture, touched upon his blushing cheeks, insides flipping with glee at the contact, right hand clenched against his thigh as he willed himself to hold still.

A puff of air wisped across the younger's cheeks as he turned to make eye contact with the older man who was now pulling away, smirk held in place as he looked into the shimmering stars that were Jooheon's irises, who's gaze seemed to peer into every crevice of his soul uninvited until he was forced to turn away and back to the interviewer who was directing a question his way.

Shifting in his seat to give Jooheon more space on the couch and to put an inch of separation between them to give his heart room to breathe, Changkyun tensed at the unmistakable feel of the other's fingers atop his own, a gentle squeeze in thanks that sent shivers sliding down his spine.

Changkyun knew he wasn't immune to the other rapper. Knew that he had held a crush on the other man since the day Jooheon opened up to him and gave him a chance when no one else had. Knew he was something special when his heart skipped a beat when he saw him for the first time after a few days apart. Knew he loved him since the first time Jooheon came into his room crying asking to be held, trusting him above everyone else to make things right and to take his hurt away.

Which was why every time Jooheon looked at him with even an ounce of something _more,_ his heart skipped a beat and he momentarily forgot how to breathe, no matter how many years had passed since it had all begun.

"That was awful," Changkyun whined some time later after the interviewer exited the room and he was able to stand and stretch, not missing the blatantly appraising look sent his way from the other rapper that left his head reeling for the umpteenth time, mind running away with the possibilities of what that look could mean before he could even stop himself.

"It wasn't that bad," Jooheon chuckled, following suit and standing to his feet, raising his arms above his head and revealing a sliver of skin under his navel that was so delectably pale that Changkyun could just imagine what it would look like under his-

"Kyun?"

"Huh?" Changkyun startled, shaking his head and then looking around at his six hyungs who were watching him with varied emotions, mainly that of amusement from Shownu, Wonho, Minhyuk and Hyungwon, though Kihyun (who knew of his stupidly large crush) was watching him carefully, while Jooheon held the fond expression on his face that he always wore when he was looking Changkyun's direction, a fondness Changkyun was dying to have explained.

"You okay there Kyun-ah?" Wonho teased, stepping forward to give him a hug before he was pulling away in search of food, belly rumbling audibly.

"It's been a literal hour since he ate last," Minhyuk laughed gleefully as he squeezed Changkyun in a death hug as he passed before following their hyung out of the room, running down the hall and jumping onto the elder's back who was ready and waiting.

"I could eat," Shownu blushed as he kicked the toe of his shoe against the ground, blushing harder when Kihyun rolled his eyes so hard Changkyun was shocked they didn't get stuck before he was forcefully pulling at their leaders wrist and tugging him down the hall, grumbling about balanced meals all the while.

"I'm not hungry, but I'm going to leave," Hyungwon spoke up, catching Changkyun by surprise when he realized he was still in the room, eyes having been focused entirely on Jooheon's who hadn't taken his own gaze off of him since Changkyun had been pulled out of his reverie only moments before. 

"Why hyung?" Changkyun asked finally, yanking his eyes away from the other rapper's and letting them settle on Hyungwon who looked mildly bereft along with incredibly amused.

"Because as much as I love you both, I really don't want to be here when you two start making out."

"Wh- no, hyung, we, we wouldn- it's not like t-that!" Changkyun stammered, cheeks flushing purple with embarrassment and something else, Jooheon's gaze boring into the side of his face from where he stood beside him, a gaze that Changkyun steadfastly planned to ignore, crying out at the "mhmm" huff that slipped from the elder's lips as he exited the room, rudely pulling the door closed behind him, leaving the two rappers alone.

Changkyun wasn't an idiot. He knew that his crush on Jooheon was obvious in the same way he knew that Jooheon didn't feel the same way, though there was nothing more that he wanted then for the latter part not to be true. But even though Changkyun knew the truth, sometimes it was hard not to wonder if there actually was something there.

In the same way Changkyun knew that Jooheon didn't like him back, he also knew that him kissing Jooheon on the cheek a few years earlier had been the first video of theirs that had reached one million views in the fandom, the same way he knew that to this day it still held more views than any other video of Monsta X. Knew that there were literal accounts dedicated to documenting their cheek kisses, knew because he was following all of them on his stan account, knew because he spent long nights staring at the photos and gifs and videos of all of their almost kisses, always silently wishing that one of them would just turn their head and finally give him what he had always wanted.

But that was the thing with want: it differed from a need. And as much as Changkyun could tell himself that he _needed_ Jooheon to kiss him, he knew that his unrequited feelings were nothing but a pipe dream in the larger scheme of things.

"Sorry about that hyung," Changkyun said lowly, averting his gaze down to the floor where he stared at the other's shoes instead of making eye contact like he knew he should. "Ignore Hyungwon, he doesn't know what he's talking about."

"Doesn't he?" Jooheon asked carefully, barely managing to withhold a smirk at the shocked gasp that slipped through the younger's lips, eyes darting up to meet his own as a rush of emotion shot through his bloodstream, heart picking up speed dramatically.

Jooheon knew that he might look hard on the outside, but anyone who knew him personally knew that he was softer than soft, which was why he had been the first one to crack on No Mercy and open up to the younger rapper, despite the fact that the younger's very presence threatened his own dream of debuting with his best friend.

What he didn't expect when he had opened up all those years ago, was that he would actually _like_ the kid who had entered the show late, that even though he was young, the other rapper had held innate talent for songwriting, eager to learn the production side of the industry and quickly combining his talents of writing and rapping in order to impress him, eyes always shining with excitement every time Jooheon so much as sent a ghost of a smile his direction.

Jooheon knew that Changkyun liked him in the same way he knew that he was head over heels for the younger man himself. Knew he had held a crush on the other rapper since the first time a song of his had gotten approved for an album and Changkyun had thrown his arms around him with such happiness and pride emanating from him that Jooheon had momentarily forgotten how to breathe. Knew he was something special when his stomach flipped for the first time as he watched the cute awkward man before him switch into a confident sexy demon right before his eyes. Knew that he had loved him since the first time he had felt lost and the only place he had managed to feel found had been in the younger's arms.

Jooheon knew that Changkyun liked him in the same way he knew that Changkyun had no idea Jooheon liked him back, in the way that he spent his nights staring at the ceiling thinking of the feeling of the younger against his skin as they bade each other goodnight.

Jooheon knew that Changkyun liked him in the same way he knew that Changkyun kissing him on the cheek a few years earlier had been the first video of theirs that had reached one million views in the fandom, the same way he knew that to this day it still held more views than any other video of Monsta X. In the same way that every cheek kiss from the younger, whether in photo, gif or video format held some of the highest interactions of any of theirs from Monsta X, knew because he followed the accounts that tracked it on his stan account, knew because he never went to sleep without an image of the younger in his brain.

Jooheon knew that Changkyun liked him in the same way he knew that if he didn't tell the other man the truth in this very moment, he likely never would.

"I-" Changkyun started, his expression so open and vulnerable that Jooheon physically had to restrain himself from stepping forward and kissing his cheeks until the smile he loved so much returned.

"I don't understand," Changkyun spoke again finally, eyes just as lost and confused as before, arms coming up to wrap around his own torso, Jooheon's heart breaking at the sight, stepping forward before he could stop himself until he had Changkyun tight against his chest. "Hyung..."

"Changkyun," Jooheon whispered into the younger's hair, lips puckering against the soft strands underneath them, trailing kisses along the crown of his head until he felt the younger man release some of the tension he was holding and instead nuzzle closer into his arms.

"What's happening?" Changkyun asked quietly into the crook of Jooheon's neck, the question tickling the skin there and sending goosebumps down Jooheon's arms, the younger's smile easily felt against his skin. 

"I'm scared to tell you," Jooheon admitted, tugging Changkyun back to his chest when he started to pull away, not sure whether he was brave enough to have this conversation face-to-face, ignoring the huff that escaped the younger's lips as he did so.

"You can tell me anything hyung."

"But everything will change when I tell you this," Jooheon said so quietly that for a moment he wondered whether he had actually said the words aloud.

Pulling away, Changkyun paused mere inches away from the elder's face, eyes analyzing the other rapper as he tried to parse through what he was saying, nothing making sense over the sound of his heart beating loudly in his ears.

Changkyun knew that he had feelings for Jooheon, knew that Jooheon was aware of them too, knew about the unspoken agreement between the seven of them never to address it. But now, looking into Jooheon's eyes which looked like small galaxies, he wondered whether maybe Jooheon had feelings for him too, whether his heart was deceiving him or whether the next words coming out of his mouth were going to be words of admission.

"Jooheon, please" Changkyun whispered, unable to raise his voice any higher, aware of how pleading his tone was as he gripped tightly at the elder's forearms, the only thing grounding him in this very moment.

"Please what?" Jooheon whispered back, his eyes wide and fearful, a look that made Changkyun want to lean forward and kiss away all of his worries and fears.

Changkyun knew that he was in love with Jooheon in the same way he knew that he had imagined their first kiss in every possible way except for this one. Knew that in his head, kissing Jooheon was a fantasy, a pipe dream that kept him longing and lonely despite the opportunities with others that had presented themselves across the years. Knew that if he didn't say what he wanted now, he likely never would.

"Kiss me," Changkyun said finally, voice barely audible if not for the fact that their lips were so close by now that even just speaking had their lips almost touching.

"I thought you'd never ask," Jooheon answered, surging forward and capturing the younger's lips against his own, pulling the other rapper tight against his body and holding on for dear life as all the air in his lungs whooshed out of his body and his mind began to spin to the chants of 'mine, mine, mine.'

"Jooheon," Changkyun whimpered, arms coming up to wrap around the back of the elder's head, holding him in place against his body, moving his lips in rhythm to the pounding sound of 'mine, mine, mine' echoing throughout his body and forcing him forward to a point where no more than a millimetre remained between any part of their bodies.

A gasp slipped uninvited from Jooheon's lips as Changkyun, the little minx that he was, caught his bottom lip between his teeth, tugging and sending a rush of heat down his body, a heat he ignored in favour of capturing the younger's cheeks between his fingers and pouring every ounce of love he had for the other man into their kiss, willing the other man to understand that this had nothing to do with sex for him and everything to do with how madly, deeply in love he was with the other man.

"Changkyun," Jooheon gasped again, actively working to slow the kiss down enough so he could catch his breath and speak his truth. "Changkyun, I love you."

"What?" Stilling completely in his arms, Jooheon hesitated before releasing Changkyun enough for the younger to pull back, eyes as wide as saucers as he stared at him in shock. "No you don't."

"Yes," Jooheon replied slowly, heart beating erratically in his chest. "I do."

"N-no," Changkyun repeated, brows furrowing and pulling farther away. "I would know if you were in love with me, you tell me everything and whatever you don't tell me you tell Min who then tells me because he tells me everything. I would know if you loved me."

"I didn't tell Min."

"That doesn't make sense, why would you not tell Min?" Changkyun asked incredulously, expression shifting between a range of complicated emotions, never settling on one for more than a few seconds.

"Because whatever I don't tell you, I tell Min who then tells you because he tells you everything," Jooheon parroted. "And I didn't want you to know."

"What? W-why?" Changkyun stuttered, eyes turning glassy with an emotion akin to rejection, an emotion that Jooheon promised to never let see on the younger's face again.

"Because I was scared I wouldn't be good enough for you," Jooheon admitted, looking down to avoid seeing the expression, whatever it was, that crossed Changkyun's face. "At first I thought it was just a crush that would eventually go away, but as time went on I realized that I was actually in love with you. I didn't want to ruin the group by making things complicated so I just kept it to myself and as time went on and no one ever said anything about it, I just got so used to keeping it to myself that I forgot that the only thing stopping it from being real was me actually saying the words out loud."

"I know you must hate me," Jooheon continued, still unable to make eye contact with the younger man. "I...I've known you've liked me for so long and it's felt so nice to feel loved and to know I had your affection...it was selfish of me not to tell you I loved you back sooner, I just thought you knew and then when I realized you didn't I didn't know how to go about telling you that I do. So much Kyunnie. So, so much."

"You...love me?" Changkyun asked in disbelief, eyes shining with emotion and still as wide and vulnerable as could be.

"Yes," Jooheon said with sincerity, gulping as he did so as the other stilled completely. "I always have."

As time passed and the silence grew following his words with no reaction from Changkyun, Jooheon knew that he had read the situation wrong, knew that he should have spoken first before kissing the other man, knew that he was incapable of forgetting the taste of the other against his tongue, knew that he would never be able to kiss another without thinking of the man he truly loved. 

Unable to stomach the silence any longer, Jooheon dared to lean forward, placing his lips against the younger's cheeks, holding for three long seconds, before he pulled away and turned to exit the room, head held low in shame.

"Jooheon."

Stopping, Jooheon paused with his hand already on the doorknob, refusing to turn around to see what Changkyun had to say, his ability to hear enough for the oncoming rejection.

When the silence continued, Jooheon furrowed his brows, turning to find Changkyun looking at him with an expression that was so fond and unexpected that Jooheon instantly lost all ability to breathe.

"If you give me an 'almost kiss' one more goddamn time, I am going to _lose_ my fucking mind."

"W-what?" Jooheon asked, this time his turn to stutter out a question.

"I have been waiting years, Jooheon, YEARS!" Changkyun started, slowly stepping closer until he was reaching around the other rapper and locking the door, the only noise audible in the room outside of their mingling breaths in the narrow space between them. "For you to kiss me on the lips, for the man I love to kiss me on the lips."

"The man you love?" Jooheon questioned tentatively, completely lost on where the pair stood in their relationship with each other.

"The man I've always loved," Changkyun said softly, eyes darkening as he switched from an awkward boy to a sexy demon right in front of Jooheon's eyes. "I've always wondered if you've loved me back...now I know I guess."

"Ch-Changkyun..." Jooheon stammered, mouth dry and eyes wide as Changkyun took another step closer, eradicating the non-existent space between them and pressing the pair of them into the door, one head slipping above their heads and the other pinning Jooheon down against his waist. "Wh-what's happening?"

"You're telling me all this time you've liked me back?" Changkyun asked, leaning forward and purring the words against the lobe of his ear, goosebumps sprouting up along the elder's skin.

"Y-yes," Jooheon admitted, cluing in a beat too late on what was happening. 

"You should have told me honey," Changkyun hummed, brushing a barely there kiss against the other's jaw, Jooheon going limp in his hold at the feeling of the man he loved against him.

"I'm sorry," Jooheon whispered, chasing after Changkyun's lips and pouting openly when Changkyun kept them just out of his reach.

"Sorry's not enough, say it again hyung," Changkyun teased, eyes alight and dancing in the enclosed space.

"Say what again?" Jooheon asked genuinely, racking his brain until he remembered the look on the younger's face when he had first said 'I love you,' shifting their position so that one hand was cupping the younger's lower back and the other was moving up to capture the other's cheeks beneath his palm, visibly watching Changkyun's expression soften and the awkward man he loved returning to his body. 

"I love you Im Changkyun. I always have."

"Oh wow," Changkyun whispered, mouth dropping open in surprise. "Hey Jooheon?"

"Yeah, Changkyun?"

"I love you too."

"I know," Jooheon answered with a smile, eyes almost sliding shut with how big he was smiling. "Hey Changkyun?"

"Yeah honey?"

"Kiss me?"

"Gladly."

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhhh!! My first story since August! Feels so good to be writing again, I wrote this entire story in one sitting (with one minor break to pee) and man does that ever feel good to do! Thank you if you are reading this far, especially if like me you've been struggling to read fic since everything happened. I'd love to hear what you think of this story, especially since it's been so long since I last wrote anything! Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated, all my love!
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/JessaJessJ) | [Tumblr](https://hobrerek.tumblr.com/) | [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/CrazyJWrites)


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